A Time to Grow Up

Nikki B.
3-1-05
Heb. 7ish
A Time to Grow Up

The years that we spend living on our own are the best years to grow up. Being responsible for ourselves gives us a chance to make our mistakes, act a little crazy, and figure out what we really want. Living alone for a while and allowing yourself to struggle a little allows you to appreciate what you can accomplish on your own.
I can see a definite difference in people who have never experienced living alone or being completely free of obligation. They often feel like they missed out on something. Being independent gives you the chance to choose which burdens you want to take on yourself. When the burdens you choose are your own, you know that they are what you wanted and not forced upon you. It may even be a preventative measure for a mid-life crisis.
The best example of this that I could ever come up with is my mother. (Although she may not appreciate this anecdote.) My mother married my father a year out of high school. She never lived alone and she never had the chance to be young and decide what she really wanted from life.
My mother wasn’t married a year by the time I was born and instantly she was thrown into a situation of the most responsibility possible. She didn’t have the chance to choose her burdens and it left her living out her life through other people. She attempts to be what everyone else wants her to be because she doesn’t know what she wants her to be.
Now that my parents are divorced, my mom is reliving her twenties. She finally has the chance to figure out what she wanted to do the first time around, but unfortunately she is trying to figure this out through me. She wears the same kind of clothes I wear, listens to virtually the same kind of music, and wants to hang out with my college friends. (Thank god she doesn’t live that close or visit that often.)
My friends couldn’t believe it when my mother called and told us that she wanted to go out with us on Halloween to State St. and then stay with us in my dorm room. I couldn’t really believe it either. I told her she was crazy and that there was no way in hell that I was letting my mother tag along. You don’t bring your mother to house parties and she didn’t quite understand why. Her solution was that I didn’t have to tell everyone she was my mom. (Did I mention she is a genius?...)
She is currently dating a man who is older than her and seems to be a little more stable. I hope that she is finally growing up. Somehow at 39, it is about time. I think she just needed the five years that my parents have been divorced to figure herself out. I have seen a big change in her in the last four months that she has been dating her new boyfriend. I think she might have outgrown her twenties, hopefully for the last time.
I think that if she would have had the chance to figure all of this out before she got married, this never would have happened and she would be a woman with a little more self confidence. She is unsure how to be completely independent, but I think these five years have also given her a chance to practice being as independent as she can be.
I have seen so many people who have gone through mid-life crisis and most of them didn’t have the chance to be independent. My mother wasn’t like this during the 15 years my parents spent married, it was when she finally had the opportunity to be “20” that she went for it. Without this important segment of life, it can leave a person feeling trapped in something that they never wanted in the first place. Don’t ever let yourself skip this unique period of life that gives you the chance to draw your own conclusions about the world and about what is right for you.